OVERHEARD AT THE GAY BAR: LATE NIGHT EDITION

WEEK 24/2025

“I don’t listen to be nice. I listen to judge.” - TBG

Saturday night was the usual mess: beer, techno, shirtless men, and awkward run-ins with your ex. While you were flirting at the bar or complaining in the smoking area about someone who ghosted you, I was doing the important work: listening. And what I heard? It deserves to be written down. And baby, the things I heard? Unholy. Unhinged. Unfiltered. In other words: perfect.

Here’s what the girls, gays, and theys were whisper-screaming over Rihanna remixes. This Week: Quotes Your Mother Shouldn’t Read…

1. “No, I’m not sleeping with him again. I’m growing. Mentally. Also, he blocked me.”

— Beautiful way to say: I had no choice. Growth, but make it passive-aggressive.

2. “He said he’s emotionally unavailable, but his trousers weren’t.”

— Heart closed, fly open. Classic Gay romance.

3. “If I die tonight, delete my Grindr. But leave the photos. I want to stay sexy as a ghost.”

— Never be buried without Wi-Fi. If ghosts were horny, this would be the blueprint.

4. “He’s not toxic. He’s just from Amsterdam.”

— Sometimes it’s not a personality issue. It’s a postcode problem.

5. “We didn’t hook up. We just cried together in the toilet for 45 minutes.”

— In the gay world, that’s called dating. At least someone brought tissues.

6. “Is it still a walk of shame if your outfit looks amazing?”

— If you’re walking home at 10 a.m. in leather and glitter, it’s not shame—it’s survival.

7. “I kissed three people and cried at the coat check. That counts as therapy.”

— And cheaper than a real therapist. Plus, you might’ve gotten a hug from a half-naked stranger. Fair trade.

8. “He said he’s a top and then asked me to drive him home. I’ve been lied to twice.”

— If he’s not driving or topping, what is he contributing? Vibes? STI’s? 

9. “I thought he was flirting, but he was just high and touching everyone.”

— That’s not attraction. That’s XTC. Learn the difference.

10. “This drink tastes like lube and bad decisions. I love it.”

— That’s the house cocktail. Comes with a lime and mild regret.

Honestly, these quotes are little works of art. They say so much with so little. Somewhere between tragic, horny, and existential, they hit that perfect gay sweet spot—where heartbreak is hilarious, hookups are therapy, and self-awareness is optional. It’s like watching a live soap opera, but everyone’s in mesh and quoting Beyoncé.

What I love most is that they’re always true. Or at least they feel true. You’ve either said it, heard it, or thought it at 3 a.m. while staring into a disco ball and wondering why your ex just liked your Instagram story. These quotes aren’t just funny, they’re collective gay memory. Like folklore, but with glitter and better lighting.

And finally, I like them because they remind me that we’re all just trying our best, badly. Whether it’s flirting through trauma, crying over someone who never deserved you, or passionately defending your right to look hot while emotionally unstable… there’s something weirdly beautiful about it. Queer chaos isn’t a problem, it’s a personality trait.

I’ll be back next week. Until then: drink water, don’t text your ex, and remember if you say something ridiculous in a gay bar, there’s a good chance I’ll write it down.

Got a quote? Say it louder, and say it wrong. I’m listening. 🍻

A new column by The Gay Bradshaw will be live next Sunday at 20:00h, exclusively on tobecroft.com/tgb