THE GAY REVELATION I WAS WAITING FOR!
WEEK 16/2025
My younger years were a little different than most. You see, I played water polo for the Dutch national team. We trained 9 times a week, before school, after school and 1 or 2 matches a week. So partying wasn’t really a thing I did until I injured my shoulder and wasn't able to play water polo anymore.I found myself gaining a lot of weight until it got so bad that if you painted me white I would be the Michelin man.
Obviously this, and other things I might write a column about one day, influenced my confidence a lot. The few times I went out with friends I just stood in the corner of the club feeling uncomfortable and awkward. I just did not know how to behave. If I tried a little dance move that wasn't all too obscene, my consciousness took over and it felt like the whole club was watching me.
A few years and failed relationships later I turned my life around. I lost weight, bought new clothes and actually started to enjoy seeing myself in the mirror. My best friend took me to my first gay festival. An event with lots of gays used to make me uncomfortable and insecure so I’d never been one before. Gays can be so judgy right!? Well I absolutely loved it. Turns out gays arent that judgy, or maybe they still are but I switched off that little negative voice in my head. I just enjoyed the company, the sun and the music. Before we left for the festival my best friend gave me a task: Kiss a boy. Simple to most, but very difficult for me. Obviously I kissed loads of boys before but always in an orchestrated, not spontaneous way. Like walking up to someone you fancy, do a bit of chatting, kiss and part ways again. To be honest with you, my level of confidence wasn't up to standard that day so I kind of failed. And I say kind of because I didn't kiss a boy, but I showed my obscene dance moves and didn't feel uncomfortable in the slightest. So to me, it still counts as a win.
A few months later another friend and I went to the indoor version of the same festival. At this point I had lost even more weight so I felt comfortable enough to wear a crop top. This was such a big deal for me and I can't even tell you how proud I was of myself. I was permanently showing tummy to everyone who wanted to look and oh boy did they look. I LOVED it! Now I can hear you think, did he kiss a boy? Well yes, yes I did. 6 boys! I even approached a guy, I saw him dancing, stunning he was.
You might think I'm a slut but for me this was a big win in my battle against insecurity. Again, I am so incredibly proud of myself. I showed tummy, danced, approached and talked to boys, was approached by boys and didn't even walk away. I even asked boys for phone numbers, and was even asked for mine.
In the months following the indoor party my confidence kept on growing, I felt happier in general. If this is what life has to offer for somebody who is confident, I am confidently confident that it is only going to be better.
Don’t get me wrong, I was out of the closet already. Everyone knew I liked boys but this feels like a second coming out. I came out to myself. I came out as someone who is proud of my achievements, more confident and less in my own head.
A new column by The Gay Bradshaw will be live next Sunday at 20:00h, exclusively on tobecroft.com/tgb